Block

Nicole: you haven't written on the blog for ages
Me: I don't know what to write about...
Nicole: Just write what you feel


So here goes, I'm not writing a blog that will educate, advise or be publishable but it will be my truth.I've had a bit of writing block on here, simply because I was worried that what I write will be no good or have no relevance. So I shall describe everything I've thought about today...nicole based of course...

Welll I woke up, then fell back to sleep. Yeah Nicole was able to tell me everything that had happened between me sleeping and waking up, and I was very proud of her achievements...then did I make her feel loved and needed by staying awake and talking to her? Maybe playing a little online game? or just listening to her talk? No. I fell back asleep. And now I regret it mucho because she's going to be waking up and getting ready for school, then going to school, then it'll be my night time and argh its a bleeding nightmare!! The amount of times that I sit here watching her sleep feeling like I want to wake her up is mammoth, but I don't do it because a) its actually difficult as hell! b) I know she needs sleep because more than likely she has stayed up late to see me when I wake up. But I always wish upon a wish she will wake up so I can talk to her...and sometimes it makes me feel greedy for always hoping / expecting her to be awake and ready to talk to me yet I struggle so much making the same commitment for her, like I hate how she is alone at night in her apartment all the time whilst I sleep. But as Nicole commented before, that is the harsh reality of an 8 hour time difference :-( The weird thing is that I always crave her attention and awakeness, and then sometimes when she does wake up I'm inattentive and neglectful --> its like WTF? I have no idea why I do it but it must feel like poo for her :-( So this is my promise...no more shall it happen! When baby is online its ME and BABY time only. My work [by which I of course mean the procrastination that work brings] will be done in other hours or when baby has work too.

Anyways so I have my plan, stay up late tonight to protect my baby from the stalker, to spend time talking to her, and I shall pretend to try and get some work done.

Jonny :-) x x

p.s. I hope if I "accidently" unmute my microphone she might wake up...." heheh joking